No one ever reads this so I'll say it now...

I'm about to embark on a perilous journey, and I'm not unhappy about it.

As long as it stays between us.

much love hon!

Two people were traveling through the woods. Each, carried the baggage they had picked up along their journeys that followed their own separate paths towards a future destination unknown.
In a clearing the paths converged, and the people were well met. Both noticed the other’s burden, but said nothing.
They continued along together, sharing stories about their trials and triumphs. They helped each other over and around obstacles, stopping when one needed a rest, and making good headway with the combined effort. But they finally they decided that if they combined their loads, they could share the weight, making it lighter.
When rain poured down from the skies, they built shelter, and held each other to share their combined warmth.
When the sun heated their path, they laughed and played, reveling in the shared experience and each other’s company.
One day there came a fork in the road, a decision to be made.
Do they continue on together, down one path, or do they diverge and proceed towards their own separate destinies? Do they continue to share their lives and burdens, or do they see where the roads ahead take them?
Knowingly, they chose to say goodbye, keeping with them the memories of the road behind, and the companionship they felt together. They knew that their paths may never cross again, but they would always cherish the feeling that someone once helped them, once cared enough to share in the burdens that they both carried.


I would share that path with you, help you carry your burden, even if I have to carry my own upon my back without help. Because I know that it isn’t the destination, but the journey that makes it all worth it. And no matter what happens between us, where our separate paths take us, I will never truly regret a single moment that I have shared with you.
If I ever am among the giant mountains of the Sierras, looking up at the glittering night sky, I will always remember you. Because those stars looked down upon us… in our city light skyline, they were still there; they were still in that sky, even if we couldn’t “see” them…

Your path may take you far from me, as mine may take me far from you. But for a while, it was nice walking with you.

What did it take for us to meet? Was it the stars, the births, the freaky deaths? Was it wondering what it would be like to be with someone you could share everything?
Just the company, the style of your smile. You make me feel free.

Stimulation, temptation, what about the past? Can you put it behind you? Can you say, that the past has given you a better understanding of what is really worth the effort in life? I just want to learn more.

What if I get home one night, and wake you up, knowing that you have to work early the next morning, and want to make crazy love to you. When I promise that the coffee maker is already set and your travel cup is sitting next to it, will you believe its only been you, that I’ve prepared and learned for. I have the perfect parents, I’m adopted, just like you, your birthday is the day after mine. We felt something so long ago…

But that’s the problem isn’t it? That it was a few months ago. I know you have almost a decade on me, and a few months still seems kinda like a lifetime for me. You may not see it like I do, not only because you’re older than me, but that you’re a guy. You might think that I’m going to go running to all my girlfriends and tell them all about us, but I won’t. I won’t do anything to hurt you. Didn’t you get that? When I said I loved you, I meant that I held a part of my experience with you in my heart. If I were to allow anything to ever really hurt you, I wouldn’t be the person that I am. I would end up hurting myself in the process.

I thought you were different from the moment I met you, and I know I wasn’t wrong in that estimation of your character. You were good, you were confused, you were searching for something… It wasn’t me, I can tell you that, but I can help you find it. You were meant to find it with me. We’re going to find it together. That perfect thing, fit, that perfect swell of the orchestra behind a langorious alto saxophone solo… then into a horn section soli behind a true laying out of feelings…

I said something to you once, in words, in a song… it doesn’t matter anymore what it was, but it was real when I said it.

I’ve always been called a drama queen. I guess I am. I liked the drama of the disbelief that this could actually be happening to me, with all this other crazy stuff that has happened. And I pretended that you still cared like I did. I hoped that you still felt the way you did when you stood in front of me and said you wanted it all with me. I won’t ever forget that, you might not even remember it. I don’t know anymore.

My self-doubt has taken over what could have been an amazing journey. I sit here looking at a couple of pictures of us. I’ll cherish those moments. But time has passed.

But is any of this fair? You led me on to protect yourself, you never really let me in. But that’s okay. I opened myself to you, and ultimately trusted in you, which is what you needed, that someone, or something, to believe in you, without questioning. We both have that in our parents, but something outside of familial love, we both lacked. I’ve proven to myself that I can wait, that I can hold out until the plot breaks.

But still, if I come into a situation with you, and just say hello, I remember everything else.

Maybe its not me that you’re meant to be with, but whomever you end up giving your heart to, she’d better be worth it. Because you are an amazing and special person, and I am very blessed to feel what you have allowed me to feel.
I only wish for your happiness, and that if sometime in the future our paths cross again, that we will remember that we were well met once, and that we only have the highest regard for each other.

I will not however promise not to run into the bathroom and cry. I’m a girl after all, and I can’t deny that this is hard for me.

Good luck darling, and best wishes forever…

There are poems, prayers, and promises, and things that we believe in…

It’s been a good life all in all, its really fine to have the chance to hang around…

How sweet it is to love someone, how right it is to care,
How long its been since yesterday, and what about tomorrow?
What about our dreams, all the memories we share?

I don't blog here very often... i'm usually over on myspace/naturedance

see me there if you want to see me...

So there are so many things I want to get off my chest... I'd love to say them publicly, but I can't. So to whomever out there I want to hit over the head with a tire-iron... you have been virtually warned. (a virtual beating... of course.)

So I know it's been a while... life has it's ups and downs. No one reads this anymore, and it's just a way for me to see what used to happen in my life. Check me out over on myspace... Christina Eckart over there.

2005... a new year, new beginnings.
I have a high-speed internet connection now.
Thanks to my new roomies, in the new place I just moved into.
A nice place on Nob Hill, walking distance to work.
Walking distance to pretty much everywhere I want to go.
Or its just a five dollar cab ride tops.

Happy New Year!