love in the new millenium... yuck.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I wrote a sonnet for english class entitled 'unrequited love'. At the time, I was naive enough to confuse lust with love. It was a pretty good sonnet, for a fifteen year old, but I should have entitled it, 'unrequited crush'

I know you see me smiling every day
walking past with one girl or another
not directing a simple thought my way
you speak and my breaths begin to hover.
"Why doesn't she just talk to me?" you say
like its not obvious that I can't speak.
Unsticking my tongue is the hardest task
And my knees go out making me feel weak.
I feel like a bowl of jello, for you
to accidentally leave out in the sun
evaporating like a drop of dew
because I know that I am not the one.
Maybe you'll finish what I can't complete,
and I'll win rather than endure defeat.

Yeah, how corny is that? I still remember the guy I wrote it about. He was a year older, popular... yada yada yada.

End of the year, guess what I find out. Yeah, he liked me too, but he was too chicken to do anything about it, and our mutual "friend" didn't help either of us out because she liked him too! Loads of fun.

Things have changed though... its not as easy as writing down a sonnet and putting it in the guy's locker the second to last day of school. I didn't use to care what the guy thought. I knew what I knew, and that was enough for me. Now, I'm the one too chicken to say anything, and I've almost lost a couple of friendships because of it.

This is what everyone goes through, right? I've always acted first, thought second (or third) and I've drawn the conclusion that this is obviously not the way to go. But then again, thinking too much can drive one insane, or at least to insomnia. So where is the happy medium? Where's the middle ground? Love is like a political spectrum, you've got radicals and reactionaries, liberals and conservatives, and all those independents in the middle that could go either way, depending. Depending on what? Brains?

So for now, since I am single and I'm not quite lookin for love, I'll just sit back and reminisce on my failures and triumphs. And analyze them. And drive myself crazy.